Dah'veed's corner

The website with the works

Blonde jokes (no offence to any blondes out there)

A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which horse was which.

A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again.

The neighbor suggested that she notch the ear
off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart.

The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black horse.



 



 There were three girls one red head, one blond, and one brunette. It was halloween and they found an old  barn, so they went inside . They were not supposed to be there, it was private property. They heard some rustling and a policeman came in. The girls hid behind 3 sacks of potatoes. The police man said "Who's there?!" and the first girl, the brunette, said "No one, its only a cow see? Mooooo" the police man said "Ok it only a cow" then the next girl said "Its no one, its only a cat, see? Meeoowww" and the final girl, the blond, said "Umm yeah, i'm a sack of potatos..... Fear me! Fear me! Rawr!" 

A blond walks into a shop and asks an employee how much a toaster is and he tells her that they dont sell to blondes, the next day she dye's her hair brown and asks the same employee how much a toaster is and he tells her that they dont sell to blondes, she ran out of the store, the next day she dye's her hair black and asks the same employee how much a toaster is and he tells her that they dont sell to blondes, she finally gives up and asks" how did you know it was me" and he said " that is not a toaster it is a dvd player."

  •  
  A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first
  football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
  After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
  Oh, I really liked it,' she replied,
  especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
  understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'
  Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'
  Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it,
  and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the
  quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents."
 
 
 
 
 Two blondes are walking on opposite sides fo the river. One blonde yells across the river to the other blonde  "How do you get to the other side?" Blonde on other side yells back "You are already on the other side!"
 
 
Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
A: A:It is the one with the kickstand.

 

 

 

  •  

Knew a girl that was so stupid .....

> she called me to get my phone number.

> she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
"concentrate."

>she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her
> mind.

> she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

> she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

> she tried to drown a fish.

> she thought a quarterback was a refund.

> she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
>
she tripped over a cordless phone.
>
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
>
she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
>
she studied for a blood test.
>
she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
>
>
> when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home,
she moved.
>
when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice

> when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said
> "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

A blonde went up to someone and asked them "what does I.D.K. mean?". The person replied "i don't know.". And then the blonde got mad and shouted "OH MY GOSH, NO ONE KNOWS!"

A blonde is reading the newspaper, and the headline is, "ONE BRAZILIAN KILLED, TWELVE SHOT" The blonde puts down the newspaper, with shaking hands and asks, "How many is a Brazilian?"

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap.

Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep


 

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.....I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started".

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger".

He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then ..........." he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:

Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What's a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"

That's all for now, if you have any more blond jokes e-mail them to me, and ill try to put them on.

goldendove123@yahoo.com

 
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